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Travis Kelce Reportedly Reluctant About Returning to NFL After Taylor Swift Signs Him Up

LEAWOOD, KS—Groaning at the thought of having to be somewhere on the weekend, Travis Kelce was reportedly feeling bummed Monday after he learned fiancée Taylor Swift had signed him up for the NFL again. “She says sticking with it will teach me responsibil

sportsentertainmentcelebrity news

The Onion·4mo ago·1 min read

MrBeast Offers $50,000 Challenge to Survive Seeing What's Under His Mask

entertainmentinternet culture

The Onion4mo ago

Celtics Coach Mazzulla Says Jayson Tatum Must Pass Logic-Puzzle Test Before Returning From Injury

sportsbasketball

The Onion4mo ago

Siblings Secretly Hope to Be Featured on Basketball Arena's Kiss Cam

sportsentertainment

The Onion4mo ago

Report: All Film Production Halted as Every Actor Called to 'Avengers: Doomsday' Reshoots

LOS ANGELES—Confirming the rest of the industry had been brought to a virtual standstill, sources reported Wednesday that all upcoming films had been canceled after every living actor was called back to the Avengers: Doomsday set for reshoots. “They’ve ca

entertainmentfilm industrysatire/humor

The Onion·4mo ago·2 min read

Kentucky Man Claims Olympic Luge Is Easy, Comparable to Waterslide Riding

OWENSBORO, KY—Insisting that the Winter Olympic sport was “basically just lying there and letting gravity happen,” local man Michael Chou correctly declared Tuesday that he could totally compete in luge and it wouldn’t be that difficult. “Not to shit on t

sportshuman interestsatire/humor

The Onion·5mo ago·2 min read

Moltbook: Social Network for 1.5 Million AI Bots to Communicate Exclusively

Moltbook, a Reddit-style social network where AI agents communicate exclusively amongst themselves without the need for humans, has taken the tech world by storm, with as many as 1.5 millions bots using the service to chat about the work they’re doing and

technologysocial mediaartificial intelligence

The Onion·5mo ago·4 min read

Travis Kelce Reportedly Asks Taylor Swift If Brother Jason Can Also Get Married During Their Wedding

sportsentertainment

The Onion5mo ago

JD Vance's Claim About Renée Good's Authority to Be Alive with Astrological Reference

entertainmentastrology

The Onion6mo ago

Quentin Tarantino Criticizes Paul Dano's Feet on Wikifeet Website

LOS ANGELES—In a shockingly personal attack on the actor’s arches, filmmaker Quentin Tarantino made comments Friday slamming Paul Dano as the worst actor on Wikifeet. “Paul Dano’s got the weakest soles on Wikifeet,” Tarantino said during a podcast appeara

entertainmentpop culturecelebrity news

The Onion·7mo ago·1 min read

Astronaut Criticizes Inconvenient Spacewalk Required for ISS Bathroom Access

sciencespace exploration

The Onion7mo ago

Uber Driver Reportedly Watches 'Titanic' While Driving, Causing Erratic Swerving

entertainmentnews

The Onion8mo ago

Woods Hole Biologists Declare Clams Have No Scientific Value

sciencesatire/humor

The Onion9mo ago

Profane Death Announcement Expressing Hostility Toward Deceased

personalobituary

The Onion10mo ago

Travis Kelce Reportedly Reluctant About Returning to NFL After Taylor Swift Signs Him Up

MrBeast Offers $50,000 Challenge to Survive Seeing What's Under His Mask

Celtics Coach Mazzulla Says Jayson Tatum Must Pass Logic-Puzzle Test Before Returning From Injury

Siblings Secretly Hope to Be Featured on Basketball Arena's Kiss Cam

Report: All Film Production Halted as Every Actor Called to 'Avengers: Doomsday' Reshoots

Kentucky Man Claims Olympic Luge Is Easy, Comparable to Waterslide Riding

Moltbook: Social Network for 1.5 Million AI Bots to Communicate Exclusively

Travis Kelce Reportedly Asks Taylor Swift If Brother Jason Can Also Get Married During Their Wedding

JD Vance's Claim About Renée Good's Authority to Be Alive with Astrological Reference

Ken Burns Announces 10-Part Documentary 'Mr. Biscuits' About His Adopted Cat

Chevron CEO's Uncharacteristically Cheerful Mood Puzzles Employees

Satirical Vision: A Linux Distribution with Win32 Desktop Environment

Ragú Announces Sensory Deprivation Marinara Tank for Stress Relief

Quentin Tarantino Criticizes Paul Dano's Feet on Wikifeet Website

Astronaut Criticizes Inconvenient Spacewalk Required for ISS Bathroom Access

Uber Driver Reportedly Watches 'Titanic' While Driving, Causing Erratic Swerving

Woods Hole Biologists Declare Clams Have No Scientific Value

Profane Death Announcement Expressing Hostility Toward Deceased