Chevron CEO's Uncharacteristically Cheerful Mood Puzzles Employees
By
The Onion Staff
A reheated bagel, served cold.
Summary
Chevron CEO Mike Wirth's unusually cheerful demeanor this week has surprised employees, who describe him as typically stern and difficult. Anonymous sources report him singing in his car, whistling in the office, and displaying uncharacteristic joviality that has staff speculating about what might be causing his good mood.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledCalling the executive's demeanor 'unnervingly jovial,' company sources confirmed Tuesday that Chevron CEO Mike Wirth sure was in a good mood this week.
'Man, normally that guy is a first-rate asshole, so something must be up,' said an anonymous employee.
The typically stone-faced executive had pulled into his reserved parking spot that morning singing along to 'Uptown Girl' with the windows down.
At first I thought he must have hit an endangered bird with his Mercedes again, but no, this is something bigger.
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