Satirical Report: Man Claims Work Promotion Caused Him to Neglect Alcohol Consumption
By
The Onion Staff
A good honest bake. Not flashy, but you'll finish the whole bagel.
Summary
A satirical article about a man named Andrew Tesser who claims his increased work commitments and career promotion have caused him to neglect his relationship with alcohol. He describes skipping happy hours, staying late for Zoom calls, and being too exhausted to drink beers that sit unopened in his fridge.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledAdmitting his career had come between him and what mattered most, local man Andrew Tesser confirmed Thursday that mounting work obligations had caused him to seriously neglect his relationship with alcohol.
I thought I had it under control, but then I got promoted, and suddenly I was skipping every happy hour to stay late on Zoom calls with clients in other time zones.
He knew he had a problem when he started coming home from work so exhausted that beers would sit unopened in his fridge for days.
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