Satirical Haircut Advice: Absurd Tips for Better Salon Results
By
The Onion Staff
Recycled flavour. You've tasted this bagel before.
Summary
The article presents satirical advice for getting better haircuts, including absurd recommendations like being specific about which Zootopia character you want to resemble, threatening the stylist's family, working with unusual face shapes like cubes or dodecahedrons, ensuring hair is free of booby traps, sedating yourself before appointments, and experimenting with haircuts from different decades.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledBe as specific as possible when describing which Zootopia character you want to look like.
Tell your stylist what you want and, more importantly, what you're willing to do to their family if you don't get it.
Work with the face shape you have, be it oval, cube, or dodecahedron.
Make sure your hair is clean and free of booby traps and mines.
Sedate yourself before your appointment so you don't struggle or bite.
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