Satirical Guide to Antique Shopping: Humorous Tips for Collectors
By
The Onion Staff
Even the toaster can't save this one.
Summary
The article presents satirical advice for antique shopping, offering humorous and exaggerated tips such as arriving in a large vehicle to transport numerous paintings, verifying the authenticity of furniture by biting it, and asking vendors about Pawn Stars valuations. The content is clearly satirical in nature, poking fun at antique shopping culture and enthusiasts.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledSave time by having a clear idea of what kind of old shit you're looking for.
Arrive in a van or truck large enough to fit 30-plus paintings of pale children picking flowers.
Bite down on the chair to make sure it's authentic Herman Miller.
Loudly ask vendors how much each item would go for on Pawn Stars.
Remember, if you're not in the Antique region of Connecticut, you're just in regular Connecticut.
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