The Onion Satirizes Red Light Therapy Trends With Absurd Myths and Facts
By
The Onion Staff
Lacks bite. And filling. And a copy-editor at the bakery.
Summary
A satirical article from The Onion that humorously debunks common myths about red light therapy with absurd and fictional "facts," such as allowing slightly off-wavelength light on cheat days and claiming wig therapy is more effective for hair restoration. The piece parodies the wellness industry's pseudoscientific claims.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledMYTH: Only light with a wavelength of 630–670 nm has proven clinical efficacy. FACT: It's okay to sneak a few 671 nm wavelengths on cheat days.
MYTH: Red light therapy can restore hair. FACT: Wig therapy has been proven to be far more effective.
MYTH: Red light therapy can cause burns. FACT: It can alleviate excessive skin coolness.
MYTH: Red light accelerates cell turnover. FACT: Cell turnover is largely caused by cel
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