The Onion Satirizes Microplastic Anxiety With Absurd 'Tips' For Reducing Exposure
By
The Onion Staff
27d ago· 1 min readen
38/100
Stale
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Day-old at best. Try it dunked in something stronger.
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Summary
A satirical article from The Onion offering absurd and humorous "tips" for reducing microplastic exposure, such as using wool water bottles, lining your mouth with shellfish, and avoiding water sourced from Earth. The piece mocks wellness culture and consumer anxiety around microplastics.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledUse water bottles made of 100% wool.
Line your mouth with bivalves like oysters and clams that can filter out plastic particulate.
Avoid drinking water sourced from Earth.
Consider investing in a cast-iron sex doll.
Fork over $3,000 to Goop.
According to one estimate, the average human consumes five grams of microplastics every week. The Onion shares tips for reducing your exposure to the harmful particles. Use water bottles made of 100% wool. Drink from single-use plastic cups instead of bit