Satirical Report: Trump Allegedly Asks Vance to Claim He Stole Trump's Face in 1990s
By
The Onion Staff
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Summary
The article presents a satirical scenario where President Donald Trump reportedly instructs Vice President JD Vance to claim he stole Trump's face in the 1990s by making a hyperrealistic silicone mask and wearing it to sex parties hosted by New York elites. This fabricated story is framed as a strategy to help Trump with the administration's response to the upcoming House vote to release Epstein files.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledPresident Donald Trump reportedly instructed JD Vance on Monday to say that he had stolen Trump's face in the 1990s.
"Here's the plan: If you just come out and say that, in 1992, you made a hyperrealistic silicone mask of my face and wore it to a bunch of sex parties hosted by the New York elite, it would really help me out," said Trump.
Taking the vice president aside to discuss the administration's response to the upcoming House of Representatives vote to release the Epstein files...
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