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Satirical Account of January 6 Rioter Lost in Capitol Building

By

The Onion Staff

4mo ago· 1 min readen
Bagel score 38 of 100
38/100
Stale
Bagelometer↗

Sat on the counter overnight. Well past its best.

Score38TypesatireSentimentneutral

Summary

A satirical article about a fictional January 6 rioter who remains lost in the U.S. Capitol building, still searching for former Vice President Mike Pence while carrying a noose and struggling to navigate the building's layout.

Key quotes

· 3 pulled
Oh my God, how am I back in Statuary Hall again? Where the hell is Pence?
At this point, I can barely remember why I wanted to hang the guy in the first place.
It feels like I've circled the Senate Chamber a million times.
Snippet from the RSS feed
WASHINGTON—As he wandered aimlessly through the halls of the U.S. Capitol building, lost Jan. 6 rioter Alex Morris told reporters Tuesday that he was still searching for former Vice President Mike Pence. “Oh my God, how am I back in Statuary Hall again? W

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