National Guard Troops in Chicago Search for Non-Existent Lawlessness by Going Door-to-Door
By
The Onion Staff
Tries hard. Doesn't quite make it out of the oven in one piece.
Summary
National Guard troops deployed to Chicago by President Trump are going door-to-door asking residents if they need any 'order restored,' unable to find the lawlessness and chaos they were told was overtaking the city. The troops appear bored and confused, approaching elderly residents and asking about non-existent gang members and criminal aliens rampaging through households.
Key quotes
· 3 pulled"Hi there, ma'am—I was wondering if you'd seen any gang members or waves of criminal aliens rampaging through your household lately, and if I could assist in any way"
"Unsure where to find the lawlessness and chaos they were told was overtaking the city"
"National Guard troops deployed to Chicago by President Donald Trump have begun aimlessly going door to door and asking residents if they have any order they might need restored"
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