La-Z-Boy Announces Recliners with Adjustable Morphine Drips
By
The Onion Staff
Hard crust, hollow middle. Skim only.
Summary
La-Z-Boy, a furniture company, announced a new line of Jasper Rocking Recliners featuring fully adjustable morphine drips as part of their comfort offerings. The company spokesperson promoted the product as combining luxurious recliners with opioid delivery for ultimate relaxation, featuring preprogrammed morphine settings ranging from 'drowsy' to stronger effects.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledThere's no better way to relax than with our luxurious recliners and a steady stream of opioids flowing right into your veins
Citing its ongoing mission to provide customers with the pinnacle of comfort and relaxation
La-Z-Boy announced Friday that its latest line of Jasper Rocking Recliners would feature fully adjustable morphine drips
showing off a new easy chair's plush woven chenille IV bag and 10 preprogrammed morphine settings
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