Federal Initiative Aims to Fill Empty Eye Sockets with Maggots
By
The Onion Staff
All dough, no crust. Filling but forgettable.
Summary
The U.S. Secretary of the Macabre announced a $50 million federal initiative to fill empty eye sockets in decaying American skulls with maggots, worms, and leeches, funded through the 'Befouling of Our Remains Act' passed by Congress.
Key quotes
· 2 pulledMaking use of $50 million allocated by Congress under the Befouling of Our Remains Act, the Department of the Macabre will ensure every decaying American skull has maggots, worms, and leeches bursting forth from its eyeholes
the U.S. Secretary of the Macabre unveiled a new departmental initiative Friday that aims to fill the nation's empty eye sockets with federally funded maggots
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