RFK Jr. Warns Americans About Insufficient Bee Consumption in Bizarre Speech
By
The Onion Staff
1mo ago· 2 min readen
65/100
Toasty
Bagelometer↗
Not artisan, but a perfectly fine bagel. Hits the spot.
Score65TypesatireSentimentneutral
Summary
Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appearing badly swollen and struggling to speak, gives a speech warning Americans that they are not eating enough bees. He cites a survey showing most Americans eat fewer than two bees per day and suggests adding bees to breakfast cereal. The article describes his physical distress while delivering this bizarre dietary recommendation.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledIn our survey of American dietary habits, we were alarmed to find that the vast majority of respondents reported eating fewer than two bees in an average day
After manually prying his eyelids open to read from a report he had prepared on the matter, a badly swollen Robert F. Kennedy Jr. gave a speech Tuesday
who stopped speaking for several seconds to reposition his grossly distended tongue in his mouth before suggesting that breakfast cereal
WASHINGTON—After manually prying his eyelids open to read from a report he had prepared on the matter, a badly swollen Robert F. Kennedy Jr. gave a speech Tuesday in which he warned that Americans were not eating enough bees. “In our survey of American di
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