FDA Announces Loosened Restrictions on Synthetic Peptide Use in Children
By
The Onion Staff
Even the toaster can't save this one.
Summary
The FDA announces it has loosened restrictions on dousing children with synthetic peptides, with the commissioner stating that while the effects are largely unknown, dunking kids in enough artificial peptides will eventually lead to "something cool" happening. The article describes the agency's plan to lift unnecessary regulations surrounding lab-developed amino acid chains.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledIf you dunk your kids in enough artificial peptides, something cool will eventually take place
We want to give ch
the effects of synthetic peptides on the human body were still largely unknown, they were guaranteed to have a number of 'weird-ass effects'
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