The Onion Satirizes Trump Sons' 'Training' With Sour Cream Consumption
By
The Onion Staff
Crackling crust, pillowy middle. The kind of bagel that earns a second cup of coffee.
Summary
A satirical article from The Onion reporting that Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump are preparing for a UFC fight by consuming large quantities of sour cream as part of their training regimen. The piece humorously describes their absurd workout and diet routines, including chugging sour cream, lifting heavy objects poorly, and making incoherent statements, all presented as serious sports preparation.
Key quotes
· 3 pulled'We're not just fighting for ourselves,' said Donald Trump Jr., pausing to wipe a thick layer of sour cream from his chin. 'We're fighting for every American who's ever been told they can't chug a family-sized container of sour cream and then go wrestle a guy.'
'People don't understand the level of dedication this takes,' Eric Trump added, struggling to open a second container. 'You think this is easy? This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I've done a lot of hard things, like... well, I've done a lot of things.'
'The sour cream provides essential fats and probiotics that are crucial for the kind of high-intensity, low-thought combat they'll be engaging in,' said Dr. Harold Pincus, a sports nutritionist.
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