Satirical Report: Kash Patel Allegedly Beaten by UFC Fighter During FBI Training Seminar
By
The Onion Staff
Recycled flavour. You've tasted this bagel before.
Summary
The article describes a fictional or satirical scenario where Kash Patel, a former Trump administration official, is reportedly beaten up by UFC fighter Justin Gaethje during a training seminar at the FBI Academy. FBI agents allegedly watched in silence as Patel was pummeled with various MMA techniques in what was meant to be a demonstration to improve agents' field effectiveness.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledFBI agents reportedly watched in silence over the weekend as Kash Patel got his ass kicked by a UFC fighter
the agents shifted uncomfortably on the sidelines of a makeshift octagon at the FBI Academy gym
reigning UFC lightweight champion Justin Gaethje pummeled Patel with a barrage of jabs, hooks, and leg kicks
a demonstration meant to improve the agents' effectiveness in the field
You might also wanna read
Satirical Report: Conservatives Mistakenly Outraged Over Super Bowl Being Held in 'Foreign' Santa Clara
The article satirically reports on conservatives expressing outrage that the Super Bowl is being held in Santa Clara, California, which they
The Onion·3mo ago
Joe Rogan urges Trump to add roof to UFC White House arena over weather concerns
Joe Rogan has publicly urged President Donald Trump to add a roof to the UFC White House arena being constructed on the South Lawn, citing c
irishstar.com·14h ago
How Garry Trudeau and Doonesbury Satirized Donald Trump Over Decades
An excerpt from a biography about Garry Trudeau and Doonesbury, focusing on how the cartoonist approached the 2016 election cycle. Initially
Defector·2d ago
Satirical column criticizes AEW's post-PPV pacing in exaggerated parody of wrestling fan tribalism
A satirical wrestling column (written in-character as "The Chadster") criticizes AEW for immediately reloading its Dynamite and Collision sh
Satirical Article Claims Trump Made Figurines of Himself and Ivanka Kissing in White House Model
A satirical news article reporting that President Donald Trump made figurines of himself and his daughter Ivanka Trump kiss in a model of th
The Onion·3d ago
Satirical take on RFK Jr.'s latest viral video as HHS Secretary
A satirical piece about RFK Jr. (Secretary of Health and Human Services) engaging in a bizarre, performative activity of wrestling snakes wh
washingtonpost.com·5d ago