Satirical Virgo Horoscope Suggests Stars Want More Attention
By
The Onion Staff
Even the toaster can't save this one.
Summary
This is a humorous astrology horoscope for Virgo (August 23-September 22) that playfully suggests the stars are getting older and would appreciate more frequent communication. The content appears to be satirical or comedic in nature rather than serious astrological advice.
Key quotes
· 2 pulledThe stars are a trillion years old and are only getting older
so it would be nice if you called them more often
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