Satirical Virgo Horoscope Suggests Calling Ancient Stars More Often
By
The Onion Staff
More crust than filling. Mostly air.
Summary
A humorous horoscope-style message directed at Virgos, suggesting they should call the stars more often since they are ancient and getting older. The content appears to be a playful, satirical take on astrology rather than serious horoscope content.
Key quotes
· 2 pulledThe stars are a trillion years old and are only getting older
so it would be nice if you called them more often
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