Satirical Horoscope: Libra's Recommended Dining Experience
By
The Onion Staff
Yesterday's bagel, baked twice. Familiar and a bit tough.
Summary
This appears to be a satirical horoscope entry for Libra (September 23-October 22) that humorously recommends food and wine pairings, presented under the guise of an 'investigation' into Jeffrey Epstein. The content is clearly fictional and comedic in nature.
Key quotes
· 1 pulledThe stars recommend the capellini di mare, paired with a delightfully crisp verdicchio and a tossed arugula salad.
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