Satirical Profile of Border Patrol Official Gregory Bovino
By
The Onion Staff
Recycled flavour. You've tasted this bagel before.
Summary
The article is a satirical political profile of Gregory Bovino, described as the 'commander at large' of U.S. Border Patrol's mass deportation efforts. It presents a mock biographical sketch with absurd and exaggerated characteristics, including his political beliefs as 'fiscally conservative, socially National Socialist,' leadership style as 'spittle-forward,' and various humorous attributes like 'tactical grade nostrils' and fear of HD video.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledPolitical Beliefs: Fiscally conservative, socially National Socialist
Motto: 'Shoot first, dodge questions later.'
Greatest Fear: HD video
Hidden Talent: Can burp the entirety of 'Horst-Wessel-Lied'
Who Trump Thinks He Is: Scott Baio
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