Satirical News Headlines Collection: Absurd One-Liners and a Reminder to Call Your Mother
By
The Onion Staff
Summary
A collection of absurd, satirical headlines and one-liners presented as a news article, including nonsensical items like "Kegels Audible," "Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints," and "Study: Majority Of Nation's Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings." The piece is framed as a humorous, clickbait-style aggregation of fake news snippets, with an additional note reminding the reader to call their mother because she could die at any moment.
Source
The OnionSatirical News Headlines Collection: Absurd One-Liners and a Reminder to Call Your Mothertheonion.comKey quotes
· 5 pulledYour mother, 67, is fine, but this is just a reminder that she could go at any moment. Give her a call.
Study: Majority Of Nation's Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings
Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time
Amazing Psychic Bends Truth With Mind
Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked
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