U.S. Citizenship Test to Add Mandatory Four-Year Imprisonment Section
By
The Onion Staff
Good intentions, undercooked execution. The bake is missing.
Summary
The White House announced that the U.S. citizenship test will now include a mandatory four-year imprisonment section where applicants must be forcibly detained, denied a fair trial, and locked in a cell as part of the naturalization process. Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem stated this change addresses the "highly outdated" current system.
Key quotes
· 3 pulled"Starting this month, all prospective citizens must complete a portion of the exam in which they will be forcibly detained, denied a fair trial, and locked in a cell"
"the country's naturalization process was 'highly outdated'"
"applicants would be required to report to a U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services field office to be handcuffed and thrown into the back of a"
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