Satirical Report: Lavish Wedding Requires Invention of New Instrument Called Harmoniaphone
By
The Onion Staff
Kettled twice. Extra chewy, extra trustworthy.
Summary
The article appears to be a satirical news piece from The Onion about Betty Greenberg and Stephen Harold, a couple whose lavish wedding featured so many musicians that a new instrument called the 'harmoniaphone' had to be invented to accommodate them. The content includes typical Onion satirical elements like weather reports ('69° Lightning drops'), publication branding ('America's Finest News Source'), and navigation menus, suggesting this is a humorous take on extravagant celebrity weddings and musical excess.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledBecome A Member. Get The Paper.
America's Finest News Source
Friday, April 10, 2026
69° Lightning drops
So many musicians were hired for this pair's lavish wedding band that a new instrument had to be invented called the harmoniaphone.
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