Satirical Report: Coachella Medical Staff Treat 'Overly Lucid' Festival Attendee
By
The Onion Staff
Toasted to a respectable shade. No regrets, no crumbs left.
Summary
Medical staff at the Coachella music festival rushed an 'overly lucid' 23-year-old man to an emergency psychedelics tent after festival-goers noticed him standing up straight and watching musicians perform normally. The article satirically portrays festival medical services as prioritizing psychedelic intervention for anyone displaying excessive consciousness or normal behavior at the event.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledThank God for the good Samaritans who alerted us as soon as they noticed him standing up straight and watching the musicians perform—this could have gotten ugly fast
Stressing that they had to act quickly before the situation further deteriorated, medical staff working the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival reportedly rushed overly lucid 23-year-old Zach Hillman into an emergency psychedelics tent Friday
EMT Jordan Keeley, who ushered the excessively conscious Hillman through the beaded curtains of one of many hallucinogen aid centers
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