Satirical ICE Ransom Note Demands $65 Billion for Minnesota's Return
By
The Onion Staff
Yesterday's bagel, baked twice. Familiar and a bit tough.
Summary
Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has issued a satirical ransom note demanding $65 billion in an unmarked federal appropriations bill, threatening that Minnesota will be lost forever if the payment isn't made. The note, assembled from magazine clippings, was accompanied by what ICE claimed was the severed finger of Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, with threats to kill one protester every hour until funding demands are met.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledImmigration and Customs Enforcement issued a ransom note Tuesday that told the United States to pay $65 billion if it ever wanted to see Minnesota again.
The $65 billion should be placed in an unmarked federal appropriations bill—if it isn't, that will be the end of your precious Minnesota
One protester will be killed every hour on the hour until our funding demands ar
sent with what ICE claimed was the severed finger of Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz
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