Satirical Article About Dennis Hastert's Potential Return to Republican Party
By
The Onion Staff
Crackling crust, pillowy middle. The kind of bagel that earns a second cup of coffee.
Summary
The article appears to be a satirical piece from The Onion about former House Speaker Dennis Hastert's potential return to the Republican Party. The content includes typical Onion satirical elements like fictional weather reports ("Visibility two miles, with your glasses") and absurd date references (April 9, 2026). The article seems to mock political rehabilitation and the GOP's willingness to welcome back controversial figures, though the actual article content is truncated in the provided text.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledBecome A Member. Get The Paper.
Thursday, April 9, 2026
Visibility two miles, with your glasses
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The post Dennis Hastert Just Going To Assume He Welcome Back In GOP appeared first on The Onion.
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