Satirical Guide to Researching Local Political Candidates
By
The Onion Staff
Recycled flavour. You've tasted this bagel before.
Summary
The Onion provides satirical advice for researching local political candidates, including suggestions like learning your town's name, deciding how important informed voting is to you, ensuring candidates' conflicts of interest align with your own, watching local TV news to understand Sinclair's perspective, blackmailing candidates to test their reactions to political pressure, and understanding that a mayor is essentially a smaller president.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledFirst, learn the name of the town or city you live in, and ideally the state as well.
Ensure your preferred candidate's conflicts of interest are aligned with your own.
Watch your local TV news station to find out what Sinclair thinks.
Blackmail each candidate to see how they react to real-world political pressures.
If you're confused, a mayor is a president but smaller.
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