Global Tetrahedron CEO Sends The Onion to Congress Members

If you are reading this, you are likely either a member of Congress or one of the many underlings tasked with prodding lawmakers from a senile haze when they must cast a vote.

You may be wondering why you have lucked out and received a free issue of our storied publication without so much as inserting a rider into a bill classifying The Onion as a tax-free religious organization.

Simply put, the inaction of Congress is a national disgrace.

The Onion is a satirical publication that often lampoons the very people who are now reading it.

I hope that by reading this issue, you will be inspired to take action and make a difference in our country.