DHS Proposes $1,000 Stipend for Migrants to Voluntarily Self-Destruct
By
The Onion Staff
A bagel-shaped object. The form is there, the soul isn't.
Summary
The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) announced a controversial program offering a $1,000 stipend to undocumented migrants who voluntarily self-destruct via a Customs and Border Patrol app. Secretary Kristi Noem framed it as a cost-effective alternative to arrest.
Key quotes
· 1 pulled“If you are here illegally, the easiest, most cost-effective way to avoid arrest is by downloading the Customs and Border Patrol app, pressing the red button, and—after the 10-second countdown—exploding,” said Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem.
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