Defense Secretary Claims Wobbly Barstools Pose National Security Threat After Personal Injury

Summary

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, visibly bruised and bleeding from a head injury, declares wobbly barstools to be a national security threat, claiming enemies are planting them in American establishments to destabilize the country. He sustained his injuries after falling from a 3-foot-tall barstool while drinking his fourth scorpion bowl.