Satirical Report: Trump Announces 5,000% Increase in All Numbers Nationwide
By
The Onion Staff
Warm and crisp on the edges. A bagel with a bit of bite.
Summary
President Donald Trump announces an executive order mandating a 5,000% increase in all numbers nationwide, claiming this will boost economic indicators like wages, stock prices, job numbers, and GDP. The satirical article describes how this would mathematically transform values, with examples like 100 becoming 5,100 and 500 becoming 25,500.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledEffective immediately, 100 will now be 5,100 and—I'm reading off the official statistics from my people—500 will be 25,500
President Donald Trump announced Friday that he was mandating a 5,000% increase in all numbers nationwide
the move would shift decimals 'many places' to the right for wages, stock prices, job numbers, gross domestic product, and other vital economic indicators
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