Chicago Man's System: Different Hot Dog Places for Every Level of Sobriety
By
The Onion Staff
A bagel you'd recommend to a friend without hedging.
Summary
A Chicago man named Ken Stafford has developed a highly calibrated system over years of trial and error where he has specific favorite hot dog places corresponding to different levels of sobriety. He has at least 12 "go-to dog spots" depending on precisely how intoxicated he is, with establishments like Richie's being considered "completely disgusting garbage" when sober but "the best fucking spot in the world" when drunk. His system represents years of self-administered research and taste trials to match hot dog quality perception with intoxication levels.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledRichie's is completely disgusting garbage unless you're absolutely hammered, then it's, like, the best fucking spot in the world
He has a favorite hot dog place for every level of sobriety
In what amounts to years of self-administered longitudinal research, ethnographic field work, and controlled taste trials
Now has at least 12 'go-to dog spots' depending on precisely how intoxicated he is
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