Capricorn Horoscope: The Stars Wanted to Be a Barber
By
The Onion Staff
Yesterday's bagel. Skim it, don't savour it.
Summary
A humorous, absurdist horoscope for Capricorn that subverts expectations by suggesting the stars wanted to be a barber instead of their celestial role, with a darkly comedic title referencing cirrhosis.
Key quotes
· 2 pulledThe stars didn't ask for this, you know.
They wanted to be a barber.
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