Caltech Study Claims Moon's Only Purpose is to Signal Raccoons It's Safe to Emerge
By
The Onion Staff
Properly proved. Has structure, has flavour, has a point.
Summary
Researchers at Caltech published a paper claiming the moon serves no purpose other than to signal raccoons that it's safe to come out and eat trash, dispelling common beliefs about its role in controlling tides or other functions. The study was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledWhile it's a common myth that the moon controls tides, our findings show it's nothing more than a signal for raccoons to come out and eat trash
the moon serves no purpose but to alert raccoons that it's safe to come out
Dispelling numerous widespread beliefs about the role the celestial body plays in life on Earth
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