Utah Legislature Passes Bill Banning Eye Contact During Sex
By
The Onion Staff
Lightly browned and well buttered. A solid pick from the rack.
Summary
The Utah State Legislature passed a bill banning all eye contact during sex, with Governor Spencer Cox championing the measure as a restoration of Christian values. The governor described eye contact during intimacy as a 'sick and unholy act' and claimed it has contributed to rising crime and drug abuse rates. The legislation is framed as protecting traditional Christian values against perceived attacks in mainstream America.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledLooking directly into another person's eyes while being physically intimate is a sick and unholy act
This is a Christian state, and emotionless sex is a part of our heritage worth protecting
With top lawmakers championing the measure as a restoration of Christian values currently under attack in mainstream America
The Utah State Legislature passed a bill Monday that bans all eye contact during sex
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