Trump Proposes 'Dodger Dividend' Payment for Military Service Avoidance
By
The Onion Staff
Toasted just enough. A reliable bake, gently seasoned.
Summary
President Donald Trump announces a new 'Dodger Dividend' payment of $1,776 for individuals who successfully avoided military service, praising them for their 'acts of true American cowardice' and willingness to fake medical conditions or falsify student deferments to avoid being shipped off to war.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledToday, we celebrate the millions of patriots willing to step up and do whatever it takes to avoid being shipped off to war and getting themselves killed
Praising the recipients for their acts of true American cowardice
the $1,776 payments were the least he could do for those willing to risk everything by faking a medical condition, falsifying a student deferment
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