Satirical Article: Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth Offers to Buy Bar Patrons F-22 Fighter Jets
By
The Onion Staff
8mo ago· 1 min readen
38/100
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The kind of bagel you'd toss to the pigeons.
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Summary
A satirical piece about Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth getting drunk at a bar and offering to buy everyone F-22 fighter jets, complete with absurd military-themed bar banter about missile launchers and targeting Yemeni villages.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledGuys, the next round of aeronautic defense systems is on me
Hey, everyone, raise your missile launchers for a toast!
Anyone want to join me in the bathroom to take out a Yemeni village
WASHINGTON—Attempting to garner camaraderie from a group of regulars at his local watering hole, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth loudly announced Monday that he would be buying everyone in the bar a round of F-22 fighter jets. “Guys, the next round of aero
