Trump Orders Enhanced Security After Close Encounter with Vice President JD Vance
By
The Onion Staff
Has the shape of a bagel but none of the steam.
Summary
President Donald Trump orders increased security measures after a concerning incident where he had a close encounter with Vice President JD Vance, expressing alarm that Vance was allowed to get within handshaking distance and subject him to small talk before Secret Service intervened.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledHow's a guy like that even allowed to enter the same building as me, let alone get within handshaking distance?
From now on, we're not only gonna have multiple agents at every door of every room I
Alarmed at the shocking lapse in protocol that nearly resulted in disaster, a shaken President Donald Trump ordered his security presence beefed up Monday following a frighteningly close brush with JD Vance.
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