Noah Kahan's Tour Disrupted After He Refuses to Descend From a Tree
By
The Onion Staff
Summary
A satirical news article from The Onion reporting that singer Noah Kahan has climbed a tree and refuses to come down, jeopardizing his ongoing tour. The piece humorously describes tour officials, band members, and local authorities attempting to coax him down with various absurd methods, while Kahan remains stubbornly perched in the branches.
Source
The OnionNoah Kahan's Tour Disrupted After He Refuses to Descend From a Treetheonion.comKey quotes
· 3 pulled'He just keeps shouting down that he's not coming down until he sees some goddamn respect around here,' said a visibly frustrated tour manager Darren O'Malley, adding that Kahan has also threatened to 'start singing' if anyone tries to climb up after him.
'We've tried everything — offering him his favorite snacks, playing his own music to soothe him, even sending up a drone with a note from his mom,' O'Malley said. 'Nothing is working. He's just up there, eating leaves and muttering about the setlist.'
'This is a nightmare,' said bassist Jenna Kowalski, speaking from behind a police barricade. 'We were supposed to be in Cleveland tonight. Instead, we're standing under a maple tree watching our lead singer argue with a squirrel about territorial rights.'
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