Simone Biles Satirically Addresses Fictional Winter Olympics Snowboarding Decision in Onion Article
By
The Onion Staff
Fresh out the oven, still warm. Top of the tray.
Summary
The article appears to be satirical content from The Onion, featuring a fictional scenario where Olympic gymnast Simone Biles discusses her decision not to snowboard at the Winter Olympics despite never having been asked or having any connection to the sport. The content includes typical Onion satirical elements like absurd weather forecasts ("30% chance of Ragnarok") and fictional dates (April 8, 2026), presented in the style of a serious news interview about a non-existent event.
Key quotes
· 5 pulled'I Don't Know How And It's Not My Event': Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics
Wednesday, April 8, 2026
30% chance of Ragnarok
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