Satirical U.S. Open Statistics: The Onion's Absurd Tennis Facts
By
The Onion Staff
Best dunked in coffee. Better still, swap for a fresh one.
Summary
A satirical piece from The Onion presenting absurd 'facts and figures' about the U.S. Open tennis tournament, including fictional statistics about ball boys being worn through, tennis balls roaming freely, and alternate reality scenarios involving the Menendez brothers.
Key quotes
· 4 pulled29: Ball boys worn through in the average match
1.5: Hours the tennis balls are allowed to roam freely each day
1990: Year spectators barred from using distracting leaf blowers in stands
8th Dimension: Home of alternate reality in which Menendez brothers win men's doubles tournament
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