Satirical Thanksgiving Leftover Tips from The Onion
By
The Onion Staff
Hard to chew. Probably not worth the jaw work.
Summary
The Onion provides satirical advice for repurposing Thanksgiving leftovers, including absurd suggestions like saving leftovers for Christmas stocking stuffers, giving uneaten turkey to PETA for resuscitation, making leftovers grosser by adding eggs, using gravy as lubricant, and repurposing leftover pie as pie.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledHang onto them for Christmas stocking stuffers.
Provide any uneaten turkey to PETA for resuscitation.
By whisking a couple of eggs into your leftovers, you can make them grosser.
Apply gravy to hinges, window frames, and moving machine parts.
Leftover pie can easily be repurposed as pie.
You might also wanna read
Satirical Article: Wells Fargo Experts Joke About Investing Tax Refunds in Dream Sandwiches
A satirical article from Wells Fargo "experts" humorously advising taxpayers to invest their tax refunds not in traditional savings or retir
The Onion·13d ago
Satirical piece: Trump reads Arby's menu to appeal to meat lovers
A satirical article depicting President Donald Trump conducting a solemn, marathon-style reading of the Arby's menu as a political strategy
The Onion·1mo ago
Soybean Expresses Desire to Remain a Simple Legume Rather Than Be Processed Into Food Products
A soybean in Carmi, Illinois expresses anxiety about the pressure to become various food products like sauces, oils, tofu, tempeh, nattō, pr
The Onion·1mo ago
Satirical Article: Fictional Baked Potato Association Study Recommends Loading Potatoes with Toppings
The article appears to be a satirical piece from The Onion, America's self-proclaimed 'Finest News Source,' featuring a fictional study by t
The Onion·2mo ago
Man Expresses Frustration with Sequential Nature of Eating Process
A man in Hartford City, Indiana expresses frustration with the sequential nature of eating, complaining that he has to finish chewing his cu
The Onion·3mo ago
Satirical Article Critiques Football-Themed Napkins as Nonabsorbent and Uncomfortable
The article is a satirical piece from The Onion about football-themed napkins at a Super Bowl party that are described as too nonabsorbent a
The Onion·3mo ago