Satirical Report: Trump Defends Demolition of Mythological Yggdrasil Tree
By
The Onion Staff
A good honest bake. Not flashy, but you'll finish the whole bagel.
Summary
President Donald Trump defends his decision to demolish Yggdrasil, the ancient Norse tree of life, claiming it had become an eyesore and was no longer functional for travel between mythological locations. He blames the Biden administration for allowing sacred harts to eat the tree's leaves and cites a controversial interpretation of the Poetic Edda to justify his actions.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledYggdrasil was becoming a total eyesore and its roots could barely be used to travel from the well Urðarbrunnr to the spring Hvergelmir
Maybe if Biden hadn't let those four sacred harts eat Yggdrasil's leaves, it wouldn't have had to
Claiming that the sacred ash tree had outlived its usefulness and needed to be updated
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