Satirical Report: Kristi Noem Reassigned to Scarecrow Role at USDA
By
The Onion Staff
Yesterday's bagel, baked twice. Familiar and a bit tough.
Summary
The article satirically reports that former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has been reassigned to work as a scarecrow at the USDA, with the White House characterizing this as a better fit for her skill set. The announcement suggests she struggled in her prior position but still has enough ability to frighten away birds threatening crops.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledCharacterizing her new role in the middle of an Iowa corn field as a better fit for her skill set
While she clearly struggled in her prior position, we realized Kristi still had more than enough ability to serve this presidency by frightening away birds that threaten vulnerable crops
the gradual job transition had been in the works for months and explained the increased presence of a pointed
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