Satirical Report: Aaron Rodgers Suffers Brain Injury from Telepathic Play Call Attempt
By
The Onion Staff
Slightly gummy. The crust never quite set.
Summary
A satirical sports article reporting that quarterback Aaron Rodgers suffered a torn cerebellum after attempting to call a telepathic audible during a Steelers game. The fictional injury occurred when Rodgers tried to transmit a play call mentally, resulting in him collapsing on the field and screaming for his crystals.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledHe seemed like he was in a good rhythm, and then suddenly he's on the turf clutching his head, screaming for someone to bring over his crystals
the injury occurred when Rodgers unsuccessfully tried to call a third-down shift to a post route by transmitting 'pure cognit'
In a devastating setback that could sideline the quarterback for weeks, sources confirmed Sunday that Aaron Rodgers suffered a torn cerebellum after attempting a telepathic audible
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