Satirical Piece: God Admits No Longer Loving Humanity But Fears Leaving
By
The Onion Staff
Crisped on the outside, thoughtful enough on the inside.
Summary
The article presents a satirical piece where God admits He no longer loves humanity but is too afraid to leave, expressing feelings of being stuck in a relationship with a species He no longer adores. The Lord confesses that while His affection for humans has disappeared, He fears being alone, worries about losing His identity without humanity, and finds the prospect of starting over at His age terrifying.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledAny affection I ever had for the human race is long gone, but I'm just terrified at the thought of walking away and being alone
Sometimes I imagine myself e
Admitting He felt torn between His true feelings and His fear of the unknown, the Lord God Almighty announced Monday that He no longer loved humanity but was too afraid to leave
He still worries He would have no real identity without them and starting over at His age was terrifying
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