Satirical Crab Expresses Joy About Being in Bucket With Friends
By
The Onion Staff
A weekday bagel. Dependable, satisfying, no fuss.
Summary
A satirical news piece about a crab named Dan Herscher who expresses happiness about being in a bucket with his friends, claiming there's nothing better than hanging out in a plastic bucket and clambering over dozens of his best buds. The crab describes pulling back any comrades attempting to escape and giving them a 'big, crabby hug,' creating a darkly humorous take on the crab bucket mentality where crabs pull each other down.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledYes, sir, there's nothing better than hanging out in a plastic bucket and clambering all over a couple dozen of my best buds
the warm, convivial atmosphere fostered by the bucket was such that he couldn't help but pull back any comrades attempting to escape over the edge and give them a big, crabby hug
Hey, where are you going, pa
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