Satirical Article Claims 93% of Baby Boomers Fathered by Single Milkman
By
The Onion Staff
Crispy enough to crunch, soft enough to enjoy. A good bake.
Summary
A satirical article reports on a fictional study claiming that 93% of American baby boomers were fathered by a single hyper-fertile milkman, based on supposed DNA analysis from Caltech researchers. The article presents this absurd genetic finding as a groundbreaking discovery, complete with quotes from a fictional lead researcher describing the milkman's door-to-door insemination activities during the baby boom era.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledOur extensive DNA analysis shows that one hyper-fertile dairy deliveryman going about his door-to-door rounds inseminated the mothers of nearly all babies born in the United States between 1946 and 1964
In what many have hailed as a groundbreaking discovery in the field of genetics, scientists at the California Institute of Technology published a study Thursday revealing that up to 93% of American baby boomers were fathered by a single virile milkman
the unknown milkman, who is presumed to have been a hig
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