Satirical Article About Non-Biathlon Skier Wanting a Gun
By
The Onion Staff
Baker's choice. Dense with flavour, light on filler.
Summary
The article appears to be a satirical piece from The Onion, America's Finest News Source, featuring a fictional news story about a non-biathlon skier who would also like to have a gun. The content includes typical Onion satirical elements like absurd weather forecasts ("30% chance of Ragnarok"), fictional dates (April 8, 2026), and humorous takes on sports and news. The article follows The Onion's signature style of presenting absurd scenarios as serious news, with navigation elements and promotional content for becoming a member.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledBecome A Member. Get The Paper.
30% chance of Ragnarok
America's Finest News Source
Wednesday, April 8, 2026
The post Non-Biathlon Skier Would Also Like Gun appeared first on The Onion.
You might also wanna read
Satirical Headline Collection: Absurd Fake News Items Including Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Free Throw Foul Attempt
This article is a satirical/humorous collection of absurd and ironic fake news headlines, including a basketball player trying to draw a fou
The Onion·10d ago
Satirical Article Depicts Alex Honnold Panicking Atop a Step Ladder
A satirical article about famous rock climber Alex Honnold (known for free solo climbing) having a panic attack at the top of a step ladder,
The Onion·11d ago
Satirical Article: Carlos Alcaraz Withdraws from French Open Over Haircut (The Onion)
A satirical article claiming Carlos Alcaraz withdrew from the French Open due to a "career-threatening haircut," humorously framing a bad ha
The Onion·1mo ago
Flyers Fans Confused Whether Mascot Gritty Eating Live Bird Is Part Of The Act
A satirical news article from The Onion about Philadelphia Flyers fans being confused whether their mascot Gritty eating a live bird is a pl
The Onion·1mo ago
Miami Marlins Use Royalty-Free Walk-Up Songs for Players
The article appears to be a satirical piece from The Onion about the Miami Marlins baseball team using royalty-free walk-up songs for their
The Onion·1mo ago
NFL Announces Plans to Host Games in Historical Eras Starting Next Season
The NFL announced plans to stage regular-season games across various historical eras, including ancient Egypt and the Italian Renaissance, a
The Onion·1mo ago