Satirical Apple Picking Tips from The Onion
By
The Onion Staff
Best dunked in coffee. Better still, swap for a fresh one.
Summary
A satirical guide to apple picking that provides absurd and humorous advice, such as vastly overestimating apple consumption, visiting orchards in January to avoid crowds, leaving children at home, approaching apples from the side to avoid spooking them, and using different bait for different apple varieties. The article mocks traditional apple picking guides with intentionally bad advice.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledVastly overestimate how many apples you eat.
Visit the orchard in January to avoid the crowds.
Approach the apple from the side to avoid spooking it.
Remember: different apple varieties prefer different kinds of bait.
Don't pick up apples that have fallen on the ground, as it will cause their mothers to
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